Faces Like Mine
by the.goal.is.greatness
Summary: People with heart conditions shouldn't look directly at Hisagi Shuuhei. That also goes for women without heart conditions. He's very pretty. Look... see how pretty he is. [Shuuhei-centric] [Drabble]


**Title:** Faces Like Mine  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Rating:** K+  
**Pairing:** Shuuhei-centric  
**Spoilers:** N/A  
**Summary:** Women with heart conditions should not look directly at Hisagi Shuuhei. This also applies to women without heart conditions… He's very pretty. Look, see how pretty he is?  
**Word Count:** 672  
**Warnings:** Crack. Drabble. Takes place at an unspecified and really, not necessarily stated, period of time.

**Disclaimer:** _Bleach_ is not mine. Summary is a quote from _Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series_.

**A/N:** All hail Hisagi Shuuhei.

* * *

It was honestly so difficult to accomplish anything anymore. I mean, you get a 69 tattooed on your face and people suddenly think… what? You're a freak in sheets? Can't people get things tattooed on their faces without their being a blunt and to-the-point meaning behind it? Couldn't people be a little more mature?

"Hisagi-san? Can you… help me with something?"

When he glanced up from his desk, hoping against hope that it was a legitimate problem – a Hollow invasion, a murder, anything – but when his eyes fell on the young buxom woman in front of him he felt his wavering hope sink. "Matsumoto-san," he said, his voice resigned. "How can I help you?"

She leaned over his desk, displaying her… _voluptuous_… assets to their full advantage in front of him. She was young, still learning her place in the world of captains and seats and rules and order of the Academy and beyond. But she'd taken one look at his tattoo and seen it as an invitation. And she'd been trying to shimmy her way into his pants ever since. "I was thinking that maybe I could help you with something?" The suggestive shake she gives her shoulders makes those assets jiggle in what he supposes is supposed to be an appealing manner.

"Uh, no, I'm good, Matsumoto-san." He started shuffling papers around on his desk, stacking them haphazardly together.

"I wish you'd call me Renge." She makes a moue in his direction and then – terrifyingly – starts to crawl over the desk towards him.

"Yeah, yeah, well I've got to go now!" He stands at the same moment she makes a leap forward. He leaves her sprawled there in a mess of reports and spilled ink and makes a frantic break for the door. Most undignified. There's one step, two, as he walks down the hall of blessed back ground noise, nothing more than the clatter of swords and friends calling out to one another. And then it starts…

"Hisagi-san! How are _you_ this morning?!" An inconsequential question purred inappropriately by a cadet with glittering blue eyes and an hourglass finger.

"Sir, sir, sir! Is there anything I can do for you?" The redheaded cadet with more tattoos to his name than Shuuhei, can barely look him in the eye as he speaks, his face burning red enough to match his hair.

"Shuuhei!"

The sudden shout stops him in his tracks and he watches Shunsui jog towards him, waving wildly.

"Taicho," he greeted properly. "How may I help you?" Maybe there would finally be something to do that didn't involve a bunch of starry eyed kids looking at him like they were thinking about crossing a sexual position off of their bucket list. Please let it be something…

"Unohana-taicho is looking for you." The statement confuses him. "You're overdo for your physical." Oh, yeah, that sounded a little familiar, crap. He tended to avoid to medical wing, since his physicals brought out all the young new interns looking to get a little peak at what he was hiding underneath his robes.

"Alright, I'll head over there now, taicho, thank you." He moved to start off, but paused. "Why did they send you to tell me?" The confusion in his tone is apparent. Shunsui was a captain. It was ridiculous to send him on an errand for a nobody shinigami.

To his shock, Shunsui winked at him. "I thought I could give her a hand with your physical."

Shuuhei knows it's rude to roll his eyes at a captain, but he can't help it.


End file.
